I've met with the Executive Validation on Accepting New 'Stuff Committee (EVAN'S Committee), and we are pleased to announce a new gimmick for your reading pleasure.
If you're at all familiar with the virtues of hockey (and most of you uncultured American swine probably aren't), then this system should make sense. If not, hold on to your zambonis, boys and girls.
In hockey, the three best players are given stars for their performance. First star for the best, second for the second best, and third star for the third best. Complicated stuff. Basically, I'm gonna rip that off with elan.
Now, on to the best and worst from last night's Modern Family.
Third Star: Luke "You'll never use this in the garage. It's too drafty." Phil "That's why I'm going to Canada buddy - to avoid the draft!"
Second Star: Jay "Trees are like women. The best ones make you work a little bit harder." [breaks axe] Manny "She's just not that into you."
First Star: Lilly giving the kid in need her Puppy Pound. Sure, she thought she was getting another one anyways, but it was a rare moment of sweetness from a kid who... well, you'll hear my thoughts on her below.
Third Dud: Claire and Gloria fighting over Gloria's mother's affections. This only gets the third dud because it started out pretty darn funny before becoming massively overacted.
Second Dud: The meaning of the season. Nowhere was the real reason for Christmas present. No mention the birth of Jesus, let alone his divinity and messianic mission. Selfless giving and family are good things, but that isn't why Christmas is special.
First Dud: Lilly. How bratty can she be? It was cute at the start of the season, and some instances of it are still cute and/or to be expected of a kindergartener. However. She constantly back sasses her parents and seems like she has never been told no. If this was a real kid, she would be on pace to be the Barack Obama of teenagers.