O.J. Simpson's Jailhouse Rap

It was 13 years ago that O.J. Simpson was acquitted in the stabbing murders of his wife Nicole and waiter Ron Goldman, two grizzly deaths for which he was most certainly responsible.

On December 5, Simpson was sentenced to at least nine years in a Nevada prison for a Las Vegas robbery attempt of what he claimed was his own sports memorabilia.

We live in a crazy world, and the shamelessness never ends for Simpson: on the same day he was sentenced, Xtreme Entertainment Group (XEG) announced they would be selling a new comedy DVD starring Simpson called Juiced!

Its one of those stories (or press releases) that you want to keep thinking is a horrible joke, but the video is for sale on the Internet. Rolling Stone reports Simpson is performing in his first-ever gangsta rap video entitled Get Juiced, complete with inane lyrics like Dont you know theres no stopping the Juice / When Im on the floor Im like a lion on the loose / Better shoot me with a tranquilizer dart / Dont be stupid, Im not a Simpson named Bart.

Obviously Simpson is no longer on the loose. But his comedy video bottom-feeders remain at large, and are accepting Visa, MasterCard, Discover, and American Express.

XEGs press release boasts Simpson plays a gangsta rapper holding ruthless auditions for his new hit song Get Juiced at a sex-crazed strip club. They dangle the final edit of this controversial, hard-hitting and powerful rap with "DJ Juice" surrounded by half-naked burlesque dancers as the reward for buying the Special Deluxe Edition "Juiced" DVD. The website shows gyrating women with Censored across their private parts.

The bad taste knows no bounds for XEG and Simpson, as they play his infamy for giggles, as they lamely ape MTVs Candid Camera update called Punkd. In one skit, O.J. plays an unctuous used car salesman trying to peddle an infamous white Bronco with an authentic bullet-hole touting the vehicle's escapability feature to prospective buyers. He promises there are no bodies inside.

Can Simpsons violence be played for laughs? XEG thinks so: Witness O.J. Simpson caught cheating with another man's fiancee in a seedy motel before a confrontation ensues, resulting in a heart-pounding domestic disturbance that will leave you breathless! They also promise we see O.J. and a nine-iron dealing with the Paparazzi during an extraordinary golf game. They suggested the photographer is almost decapitated. Ring a bell?

If that doesnt exactly sound like promising comedy, imagine O.J.Simpson arriving at your door at the pizza delivery guy, with your half-eaten order - who then tries to steal your change. If hes arriving with two thugs holding guns, then its way too close to reality.

XEG also plays Simpsons latest Las Vegas infamy for laughs. Vegas tourists find themselves serenaded by O.J. dressed up as an Elvis impersonator, complete with a mini-Elvis midget sidekick.

Simpsons race is also part of the joke in another hilarious, albeit uncomfortable sequence, as O.J. is secretly disguised as an elderly, foul-mouthed, Caucasian bingo caller at a senior center. On ABC, the late-night Jimmy Kimmel Live! did their parody of this parody, having the fake-Caucasian O.J. put down on a banana peel and stab the man who slipped on it. Thats not very funny either, but at least it underlines the sickness its ridiculing.

The scummy impresario behind this horrible product is XEG founder Rick Mahr, who began his video career by filming violent backyard-wrestling matches. He branched out from there to a Worlds Wildest series Worlds Wildest College Parties, Worlds Wildest Bachelor Parties, and Worlds Wildest Street Fights (which included Ghetto Brawls and Brawling Broads).

Mahrs latest non-Simpson video is called Street Anarchy: Knuckle Up. He promises to viewers that here comes the most sadistic, no-holds-barred, totally uncensored street fight compilation ever caught on tape!! No rules. No referees. No way out!...[G]et prepared to witness the most brutally entertaining non-stop ruckus video you will ever see!!

The Juiced video of Simpson would also qualify as a most sadistic product, and in a moral if not a legal sense, ought to have all its profits diverted to pay Simpsons judgment in the civil suit filed by the Goldman family. Theres been no reporting on whether Simpson was paid for all of his stunt work. Why else would he do it? This kind of sick money-making scheme is exactly the kind of offense that generated the Son of Sam laws: to impose some fraction of justice to buck-rakers whove displayed no conscience at all.