(Almost) Nothing's Sacred
In advance of Tinseltown's parade of Christmas insensitivities - they've already unloaded the marijuana movie "A Very Harold and Kumar 3-D Christmas" - let us stipulate that it's not just seasonal. The manufacturers of pop culture thrive on offending every traditional value.
Start with Pamela Anderson, the ridiculously surgically enhanced former Playboy Playmate, home-movie porn specialist and "Baywatch" star. She's been cast to play - are you ready? - the Virgin Mary in a TV "Christmas" special in Canada.
It's called "A Russell Peters Christmas," and Peters will play Mary's husband Joseph in the sketch "comedy." Peters was raised Catholic and attended a Catholic school until eighth grade. It didn't take, to say the least. The show will air as a holiday "centerpiece" in Canada on CTV and the Canadian Comedy Network, which also runs U.S. shows such as "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report."
Publicists are already touting the show with the usual lingo. It's "an irreverent twist on the Christmas special making it unlike anything viewers have seen before," and will be "tastier and more dangerous than a cup of spiked eggnog." Pamela Anderson does have reverence for one cause: Her Facebook page profile picture is an anti-fur symbol. Mock Jesus, but love animals.
Another very serious (if not sacred, surely profound) day on the American calendar is Sept. 11. That means 9/11 is just begging for satire, if you're Fox and Seth MacFarlane, at least. Two years after 9/11, college reporter Matt Chayes interviewed MacFarlane and said he "claims he would never do a 9/11 gag." That pledge has been violated repeatedly. Now he's devoted the entire plot of the Nov. 13 episode of "Family Guy" to mocking 9/11.
Stewie, the super-smart baby, invents a time machine. Pal, Brian, the talking dog, and he travel back in time to retrieve an old tennis ball. In the process, current Brian warns past Brian about 9/11, and, as a result, it's avoided. But when they return to the present, they find out that George W. Bush lost the 2004 election because he had no 9/11 with which to scare the public.
This historical twist results in Bush creating a second Confederacy - naturally - which starts another Civil War with nuclear strikes that kill 17 million people and turn the U.S. into a post-apocalyptic wasteland, of course. So the duo goes back to fix the past, and after they succeed, the baby declares, "We did it Brian! We made 9/11 happen! High five!"
Time magazine declared, "It sounds custom-made for a 'too soon' label, and it probably is. (Probably?) But avid 'Family Guy' viewers live for 'too soon' moments, no matter how sensitive the material."
This was proven over at their sister publication, Entertainment Weekly. EW couldn't be that judgmental. They took a poll and found only 19.5 percent in their web universe said, "Yes, it was incredibly insensitive," while the other 80.5 percent state "No, this was standard 'Family Guy' fare."
This is a terrible set of poll questions. One can agree almost weekly that "Family Guy" is "incredibly insensitive" and it's "standard" behavior for them.
Speaking of messing up the time machine, Hollywood is really going back in time to smear J. Edgar Hoover. They've never forgiven him for being a staunch anti-communist or for mucking around in the personal lives of their heroes, from the Kennedy's to Martin Luther King. When Time asked actor Leonardo DiCaprio how true the movie was to life he replied, "Historically, it's incredibly accurate."
That's quite a clash with the quote from his cast mate Armie Hammer, who plays Clyde Tolson, the close Hoover aide alleged to be his lover. "What really brings the film to life are the scenes that no one can prove happened."
The movie's climactic scene arrives when Hoover tells Tolson he's getting married. Tolson and Hoover wrestle, and Tolson kisses Hoover, only to have Hoover reject him. As Tolson storms out, Hoover begs Tolson not to leave and even says, "I love you." There's also a creepy scene when Hoover's mother dies. Hoover descends into a crying mess as he puts on a dress and a necklace.
The accusation that Hoover cross-dressed came from a convicted perjurer with mob ties; Soviet disinformation agents circulated rumors that Hoover was gay. But Hollywood doesn't care about sources or evidence when it makes "historical" movies. What they cared about was using ersatz history to promote the gay agenda.
Now that agenda is the closest thing to a unanimously sacred cause in Hollywood. Movie director Brett Ratner was just unceremoniously canned as director of the 2012 Academy Awards broadcast. He crossed the line by saying "Rehearsals are for (gay F-bombs)." That will get you fired. Mocking an FBI director, 9/11 or the Virgin Mary? That is apparently "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying."