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Denis Leary: ‘Merry F***in’ Christmas’

Book twists childhood stories with profanity, pedophilia, drug use and alcoholism.

Editor’s Note: This story contains graphic language.

In 2005 Comedy Central aired a special from actor and comic Denis Leary called “Merry Fucking Christmas” and Leary degraded the Christian holiday with references to alcoholism, drug use and sexual misconduct.

Now, available at your local bookstore, Leary’s nightmare Noel is in a mock children’s book titled “Merry F***in Christmas.” 

And here’s the book in a nutshell: Weave every modern sin and pathology with traditional trappings of Christmas and set it to a simple children’s book rhyme. Be as calculatingly offensive as possible in a pathetic attempt to be “edgy.” 

The book uses the work “fuck” 10 times, and brands Santa as a sex offender who downs bourbon and distributed drugs. 

Other sordid offerings include cops selling people crystal meth, pictures of prostitution, shots at Catholicism (my priest just sat on Santa’s knee) and calling Jews “gyps.” 

“Merry F***in Christmas” mocks the old children’s claymation Christmas specials, and features raunchy pictures such as a snowman “with a carrot cock,” a dysfunctional family snorting prescription drugs to get through the holidays and a shot of Santa being convicted for pedophilia. 

It ends with a teenager “cradling his bells and working his horn” while viewing his collection of Asian porn. 

Just in case the actual content of the book doesn’t show sufficient contempt for the religious aspect of the holiday, Leary includes this acknowledgement: “The authors would like to thank Jesus, bourbon, Hermie the Dentist, dysfunctional families and NyQuil. Especially NyQuil.”

These kinds of attacks on religion and Christmas in particular are tired and unoriginal – much like the rest of Leary’s shtick.