- How would you secure the
a. A fence made of control top pantyhose linked at the feet
b. A Nancy Pelosi stare
c. Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and
d. A gang of moderate Republicans with stiffly starched collars
- How should Congress define “torture”?
Use of any guard dog that doesn't answer to “Here, Foo Foo”
An interrogator wearing cheap after shave
Being referred to as “Abba-Dabba-Du”
Watching Rosie O'Donnell in any position
- Is it okay for the
Only if 399 UN resolutions have been violated
No way—it would increase global warming
Not while Democrats are filibustering a judicial nominee
After Al Gore wins an Oscar for his newest documentary, Truth, What Is It Good For?
- Who should be the next Supreme Court justice?
Like any dude who doesn't like think the Constitution is like some big deal
O.J. Simpson's favorite judge—Lance Ito
- Would any of the following not violate the Establishment Clause?
The ACLU Book of Common Prayer
Thinking, “Oh, God!” within the city limits of
- What is the biggest cause of global warming?
Chuck Schumer's favorite press conferences, Vols. I-mmmccXXvii
The Barbra Streisand 23rd Farewell Tour
Kerry/Edwards weekly consumption of hairspray
- How would you end the war in
Air drop the Times Sunday edition on our pesky allies
Smoke dope with bin Laden
Override all satellite TV downlinks with Hillary Clinton singing Negro spirituals
Declare “Hug a Terrorist Day”
- How would you improve test scores of public school students?
Declare “National Snow Day”
Student essays in 10 words or less: “Vouchers are evil because …”
Direct deposits from the U.S. Treasury to the National Education Association
Increase condom instruction in Head Start programs
- Who is your favorite Founding Father?
William Jefferson Clinton
- What should be included in government health care?
50 lbs. of high-grade medical marijuana
A carton of blank prescription pads signed by Howard Dean
Access to Senate Botox injections
A complete set of Nip/Tuck DVDs
- Would you ban abortion under any of the following circumstances?
The fetus is a fan of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
The fetus drives a Prius (late third trimester)
The embryo will be used to clone Bill Clinton
The fetus will pledge never to shop at Wal-Mart
- What is the most important part of the
The ban on SUVs
The wall of separation between gender-diverse people groups of tolerance and a bossy Supreme Being
The living, unwritten stuff
- Who is your favorite president?
- What is a weapon of mass destruction?
The Fox News Channel
Second-hand smoke (not to be confused with weed)
Tax cuts for the rich
A Big Mac with cheese
- What constitutes suspicious activity at an airport?
- Should English be the official language of the